'She picked this life...time to learn to deal with the problems that come with it': 26-year-old older sister asks younger sister for help after being unkind to her their entire lives, she refuses to help

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 23, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Some say that our personalities are defined as soon as we come out of the womb. We enter the world as the person we are always going to be, and it's our environment and how we're raised that shape who we become. This is never truer when you see two siblings that could not be more different. Maybe one's the jocky type, and one's the emo goth. Maybe one is the most popular kid in school and the other is the wallflower. Usually, even if two siblings can relate to nothing else, they will be able to commiserate over how annoying their parents can be. Sometimes, though, a pair of siblings is too different, and once they leave the nest, they won't ever be close. You would hope that at the end of the day, family is family, but there are some bridges that cannot be rebuilt once you burn them.

One woman experienced that when her sister, with whom she never got along, asked for her help. The sister got sucked into a more traditional lifestyle with a demanding man, and when she realized that this wasn't the life she wanted to live, she came to this woman for help. So, does family come first in this situation? Read on to find out. 

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  • 02

    "AITAH for refusing to help my sister with her children, and telling her she chose her sh**ty life so now she has to deal with it"

    Hi Reddit. My whole family thinks I'm an a hole, but I disagree. Or maybe think it's justified.
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  • 03
    When my sister (26f) and I (24f) were kids we hated each other. My sister was very hard to get along with, and she never had any friends as a result of this. She's the type of person who always thinks she's right, and can never apologize or admit when she's wrong. As an adult, she still has no friends.
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  • 04
    She decided to drink the tradwife coolaide. She met her husband in college, got pregnant, and dropped out. They have four children under the age of 8 together, and the youngest is a quadriplegic due to spinal damage and a birth defect.
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  • 05

    "Double Income No Kids," for those who don't know...

    I just finished law school, and I'm starting my career. My husband already has an established career, and we're We don't intend on having any children.
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  • 06
    My sister has historically talked down to us at family events. She says we don't even understand what we're missing out on, we'll never know what true and unconditional love is, etc. Very condescending, as always.
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  • 07
    Lately her and her husband have been fighting. Apparently, per my mother, he has never let her access his income. He gives her cash for groceries. The bills and stuff have always been in his name. Apparently he's been cheating too. My sister has asked for me to watch her kids on the weekends so she can save up money to be able to 'evaluate her options.' AKA leave her husband.
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  • 08
    When she came to me and asked this I asked her 'But isn't being a traditional wife your calling? You've told us this several times. You must've forgotten, but traditional wives aren't supposed to work.'
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    I kinda laughed at how she explained that maybe being a trad wife isn't for her after all. Eventually I just shut her down and told her that she picked this life, the life that she has always insisted is so superior to mine. Time to learn to deal with the problems that come with it.
    via Available-Wrangler60
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    My parents can't watch her kids because dad is at work on an oil pipeline, and mom is too old to be working the hours she is already working. Our other relatives don't live close enough to do it. She also asked my parents to move in with them, and my dad shut it down. He can't really stand her kids. AITAH?
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  • 11

    People in the comment had mixed opinions on whether this woman was right or wrong.

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    This is the thing about tradwives. When it works, it works. But when it goes wrong, which is not uncommon, one side has all the leverage.
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    Some women get infatuated with the idea of being subordinated and taken care of. But they don't consider what happens when, ten years later, their tradhusband looks for something young and pretty to dominate and they have no money, no job skills, and three kids.
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  • 14
    Wow. This is a really difficult situation, especially because you are now aware that your sister is being financially abused. There is a high likelihood that there are other types of abuse happening here.
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    Dad can't stand kids? Sounds like your parents are pushing their duly earned responsibilities on you. Tell them you weren't born to fix your sisters and parents mistakes, and you sure as h I aren'g starting now.
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  • 16
    NTA for not wanting to watch her kids. Very much TA for being smug about her current situation. You can say no thank you without rubbing the puppy's nose in her "mess." You don't even need to explain why you don't want to watch her kids, no is reason enough. And be like good luck figuring it out.
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  • 17
    YTA. Not for not watching. the kids, but you accusing her of looking down at you is kind of ironic. You are equally condescending from your words above and it takes a lot for me to defend a tradwife.
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  • 18
    She is being abused. She wants a way out. You can help her and the options for a way out of this are running low if she's asking help from a sister who hates her.
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  • 19
    ESH Going against the grain, but your sister wants to leave her ab ive marriage and you tell her "well, s ks to be you". Sure she was an a before. But you finished lawschool and don't even offer to give legal advice?
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  • 20
    You aren't obligated to help anyone you don't want to help, even your sister. You don't have to forgive your sister for her past actions.
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    But your sister is in a marriage where her husband is financially abusing her and cheating. She has said she was wrong and is trying to take steps to get out. She didn't say "Take us in because I have nothing." She said, "I'm trying to make money to take control of my life, but I need some help with the kids while I do that."
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  • 22

    A $10 word and some hard truths from this commenter.

    You're enjoying the schadenfreude so much you aren't willing to help her escape ab e. I have to think, yeah, you're a person even if you're not obligated to help.
    via Available-Wrangler60

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family drama aita wife reddit story fight family feud family sister reddit thread Reddit
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